sigh....it will be better

I'm just having one of those kind of months. Lots of things going on around my house, but nothing that I really want to blog about until today. If you follow me on Facebook, you know that my husband had surgery to remove a Diverticulum of the Esophagus back on Election Day. He was in the hospital for 4 days for that. I took a FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) so that I could be with him & help him out. Where I work at how that works is that since the FMLA is not for me, I have to use my vacation time for days I need to be off. If I run out of vacation time, then I have to do a not pay...whoa! Can't do that! So Chris did well from surgery & it seems he kept hearing "rare" and "large" from all the interns and residents who came into his room. He was also told that the surgical gallery was full since the surgeon was going to do these three procedures laproscopical. He recovered & came home. But then last Tuesday morning he calls me at work with intense nausea & vomiting. I rushed home & took him back to the hospital where he'd had the surgery. He stayed another 4 days with IVs and anti nausea drugs. He was released with more pills than my Grandfather use to keep on the dinner table (inside joke there as he had them all on a lazy Susan). Most of the time they work, but he's in such misery with the "dry heaves" even if he smells the dog food. One resident told him it might be the Vagus nerve was disturbed. The Surgeon said it would get better, but still coming on 2 1/2 weeks after the surgery, and Chris is still very weak. He is slowly and I should say extremely slowly is getting better, but he can barely go from chair to bed. He is eating when not gagging, but he's only able to eat soft foods and Ensure. Last night he called me at work & said he dreamed he was eating an egg and bacon sandwich..then asked if that was a sign he was getting better. I have no idea, but I think so.

Meanwhile, I've been in a sort of daze. It really gives me a new outlook on what living with an extremely ill person is like. I really now want to give out a big hug to those who live with invalid individuals and are their support and caregivers. I know this will eventually pass & I shouldn't be feeling so sorry for myself as there are so many women, men, children, and parents who do this 24/7 without complaining or selfish thoughts. Never until you've been in a situation where you are the sole caregiver can you understand the selfish dedication to all those others out there.

My dogs are very upset too. They can't figure out why "Dad" can't come outside with them, or sit on the floor and play with them, or walk them, or sometimes not able to even have them sit in the chair with him. So they too are looking at me for comfort and support. Oh, they've had a streak of "badness" too...guess I've got to get the carpet cleaning company out here. You think about it, dogs do know the mood of people and if they are upset then that just through pure osmosis goes into the dogs' pyschie and makes them miserable. I feel for them too and need to get them out for at least a longish play in the back yard.

People at work are very understanding when I tell them that I've got to leave at 6am to let the dogs out & feed them since Chris can't. And all the people who've sent me messages via Facebook these past 2 weeks have been great. My Mother has been the best as she is on the phone when I need to talk to her. She took care of my Grandfather when he was dying and thought a very tiny woman, she's got big shoulders for me. My sister calls almost every day. My brothers call to see if we need anything. My friends e-mail me. I'm not alone even though at times I just feel so...but that is short lived & passes.

Have I been creating? Yes. I've actually made three big necklaces, two pin cushions, and a doll for our Christmas exchange...but my photographer has been ill so no pictures. I really should learn to use the cameras for close up shots...oh well...my photographer is on the mend.

So thank you all who've written me or tolerated my long silence. It will get better. Oh and on a funny note...of all holidays for me to get off at the hospital, I got Thanksgiving! No turkey will be roasting around here...maybe some potato soup, but nothing good & fattening. Wonder if I sneak out & head to the hospital cafeteria, if I can get something? Hum...idea!